It is not vain to want to create something that is more, rather than less,
esthetically pleasing. We can do this with our own bodies without accepting the old
belief that being pretty matters desperately, defines our entire identity, and is
more important than anything else about us.
Paula J Caplan, The Myth of Women’s Masochism
Danielle Coddington, a 33-year-old critical care nurse and mother of two, took on the
Bill Phillips, Body for Life challenge. Her decision to lose weight came after a
courageous moment when she looked at an image of her real size. She admits, “I was
shocked! I didn’t realize how out of shape I was, especially my backside.”
Actress Kirstie Alley had a similar turning moment once she realized how fat she
actually was. In a People magazine article she reveals, “I thought, you know, I was
sort of fat compared to Cher. I’m sort of fat compared to 118lbs (sic). But I didn’t
really know what it looked like until I saw myself, and then I was ‘Oh my God’.”
Vanity must have received its undeservingly sinful reputation from correctional and
religious zealots who used every form of brainwashing available to subjugate and
control the masses. People still use the vanity issue to torment the hell out of
women.
For example, we read magazines that tell us to love ourselves for who we are in the
contents, yet as we flip onward we find ads selling make-up, diet pills and plastic
surgery all in the same magazine. What’s a girl to do? Show some vanity.
Vanity means acknowledging your self-importance. Vanity means acknowledging what is
important to you. If how you look in the mirror is important to you, yes, that is
vanity. And that is a good thing.
People evoke feelings of shame for expressing vanity because they want to minimize or
nullify your innate power to alter the way you look and the way you treat yourself.
Having vanity asserts your ability to take full control of your life. This is no
longer the Dark Ages. Pull out your mirror, throw off your clothes, and look straight
at what’s looking back at you. If you don’t like it, change it. If you love it, keep
doing what you are doing.
Danielle Coddington and Kirstie Alley had weight sneak up on their backsides because
they did not bask in the light of their vanity sessions. Deny yourself vanity
sessions and you may resort to acts of self-deception about your weight like Janeen
did in Bountiful Women.
Author Bonnie Bernell writes, “Janeen knows she had been denying the changes in her
body as she gained weight. She had purchased new uniforms as she grew larger, but did
not let herself actually acknowledge how she had changed.”
Vanity is critical to dieting success because it lets you know if you are on track
with the goal of changing your personal image and giving yourself love. Granted, we
are more than a reflection in the mirror, but vanity sessions let us know how we
look. Vanity sessions are not a time to criticize, but a time to analyze.
Our inner critic brings out our inner judge, who only knows how to distort reality.
Some overweight women already hate themselves, while other women batter themselves
for being fatter than they actually are. A test published in Prevention magazine
asked six healthy-weight women to view one real and four altered photos of
themselves.
The altered photos presented the women as either 10 pounds heavier or 10 pounds
lighter– in their upper body, or their lower body. Half of the women considered the
fattened images an accurate representation of themselves.
Eric Stice, Ph.D., professor of psychology at the University of Texas in Austin
reasons that, “This supports the notion that women are more likely to misperceive
themselves as heavier than they really are…It should be a wake-up call for women to
not be so hard on themselves.”
I cannot relate to those six women. I always imagined myself skinnier that I actually
was. When I first had my body fat measured, I was shocked at the reading: 32% body
fat. In addition, I was thirty pounds overweight. The weight amount didn’t bother me
since my ideal weight is self-determined. But 32% body fat, that’s fat. Then and
there I decided to lose weight.
I became a real vanity queen then and looked and my whole body, ass, cellulite and
all in the mirror. Not judging or ridiculing myself. I asked one simple question and
demanded an honest answer from myself: “Is this the way I truly want to look?” The
answer was “Hell No!” and I set about changing that reflection in the mirror because
I have the power to do so.
Before, I had my methods of dieting deceit, which included stretchable clothes that
never exposed my girth. Now, I don’t lie to myself. I just look at my naked self in
the mirror. It’s all there. Of course, some women go to extremes and exaggerate the
way they truly look and resort to dangerous deeds like bulimia and anorexia. The key
here is being honest with yourself. There are no seminars or workshops on how to be
honest with yourself. You have to do it with and for yourself.